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09-Nov-2017 16:41

A fifteen-year-old girl and her thirty-year-old lover.

In the schools I visited, everyone was talking about it because everyone, I suspect, had an investment in the story. I don’t know how many teachers would admit publicly to their interest in this story, however.

Every student had imagined the romance of falling for a teacher and every teacher had imagined what it would be like to run off with a student. Sex with anyone under the age of sixteen – however consenting - is illegal in the UK and any sexual relationship between a student and a teacher leads to the teacher’s instant dismissal.

While the story ran, the schoolgirl and her teacher were the objects of everyone’s vicarious interest. I’m not for one moment challenging the rightness of this.

Under the marriage canopy one of the seven blessings given to the bride and groom is that they should become "beloved friends." The hallmark of friendship is that each person validates and respects the other person's feelings and needs.

Validation means: What's important to you is important to me. Agree to keep one basic rule at the beginning of your marriage: No matter how upset you are, never launch a verbal attack.

When he comes home, he wants to feel that there is at least one person in the world who thinks he's got what it takes.

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Once the possibility of intimacy between students and teachers has become a taboo subject, the experience becomes shameful with teachers obliged to hide and hate their feelings. Now they were probably hiding somewhere in France, perhaps in a cheap hotel, perhaps sneaking out for walks together, kissing…. At first there was the worry that the teacher might have killed her but then the story changed as CCTV pictures showed them arm-in-arm as they left the UK on a ferry to France.Of course teachers are in positions of trusted authority and of course they’ll sometimes be the objects of student fantasy. Indeed, it can happen from time to time in any profession where the relationship between people is the key to getting the job done.

They must never abuse that authority or compromise their delicate role in the lives of young people. What I am challenging is the implication that good, responsible teachers won’t have feelings for their students which will sometimes be sexual. It doesn’t mean that these feelings of attraction will necessarily be acted upon: there are important boundaries which mustn’t be crossed.

These “utterly irresponsible” and even “borderline criminal” teen tips encouraged pubescent girls to “flirt with friend’s dads” in return for life’s essentials, such as “swanky” holidays to St Tropez, or invites to “country weekends”.



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